Should parents promote children’s self-esteem by telling them they’re “smart” or “wonderful”? Are children harmed if they do not feel good about everything they do? Why or why not?
Should parents promote children’s self-esteem by telling them they’re “smart” or “wonderful?” Are children harmed if they do not feel good about everything they do? Why or why not? According to Berk, children do not gain self-esteem from compliments such as “Your terrific,” which has no basis in real accomplishment (pg. 333). Furthermore, Berk maintains the most effective way to foster positive self-esteem is to encourage children to strive for worthwhile goals – contributing to further effort and gain in performance (pg. 333). Once again, authoritative parenting is linked to favorable self-esteem. Authoritative parenting encourages children to be independent, verbal give and take is allowed, and this parenting style is associated with children’s competence (becoming good at things) – a building block in developing positive self-esteem. I do not believe parents should promote a child’s self-esteem through individual compliments such as “You’re terrific.” Self-esteem should be fostered through praise and encouragement of the individual’s efforts such as “You do a terrific job of cleaning up your toys,” “Really nice job,” and “Way to go.” Parents must find a balance between encouraging words and support that factor in individual efforts verses individual worth. Too much unconditional praise or frequent praise that is not connected to real achievements can create self-doubt. Additionally acting like everything your child does is special is not going to help them in life – nor will it boost their self-esteem. This is a set up for failure when they encounter real life which includes successes and failures. Furthermore, children are not harmed if they do not feel good about everything they do, provided they are given realistic expectations and guidance of life’s inevitable successes and failures. Being positive and supportive with successes as well as failures will allow children to know that failure is okay and just a part of life. ~ Amy Hinkley
Self-esteem is one’s perception of self. It is my belief that I am the only person capable of building my self-esteem; however, family relationships during childhood are believed to play a crucial role in the development of self-esteem. Self-esteem is built through individual triumphs, successes, struggles, and setbacks. When parents say “You are the best,” and the outcome is not the best – disappointment, hurt, and a loss of self-competence can be felt. On the other hand, if parents say “You were really focused and worked hard to do your best on that project,” supported feelings with positive energy enables personal success which builds self-esteem. Moreover, focusing only on the successes is not realistic; because, as children develop, they will experience more failures and challenges than successes as they begin to gain competence (becoming good at things). Showing disappointment and frustration may cause reluctance in children to try again in the future. Being positive and supportive with successes as well as failures will allow children to know that failure is okay and just a part of life. ~ Amy Hinkley
In my own personal opinion a child hearing how "wonderful" they are, are more likely to have a high self- esteem, children love to know that they are worth something. Yes being told you are smart can also help you have higher self- esteem. I feel as if it depends on the child, some are dependent and some are independent that being said those who in a way rely on others to tell them when they are doing a great job may be harmed if they are not doing something right or feeling great about something they did. Those who are independent may on the other hand may not care if they aren't told every day they are doing something well. So with that being said it depends on the individual on if they will be harmed or not. Some may be harmed while others will not.
I believe that it is highly important to let a child know that they're doing a good job or that they're smart and learning everything that they should be. It allows the child to feel good about themselves. It helps the child to be confident in the things that they do. If the child doesn't feel good about what they do then yes they could be harmed. It can cause them to doubt themselves and have low self esteem.
I believe positive reinforcement is the key to higher self-esteem. The younger the child, the more important it is to tell them how great they are doing and how proud of them you are for pitting forth effort and trying.
I believe that giving your own child self-esteem does nothing but good for them. Being a positive parent is really great for the relationship. I mean why would you want to put your own child down? Children take everything to heart, and what you want them to take is the positive stuff and not the negative. But when they start getting older, is when its time to start helping and correcting them. Like teaching your kid to throw a baseball. When your child is a year old, he/she just drops the ball and you applaud. By the time they reach 6-8, you become more of a coach then a parent. By this stage, children are more adaptive and see themselves as a adult already. Some people believe your just setting them up for failure, but honestly its just a good way to achieve goals in life. ~Chance Hamilton
I think parents should definitely promote their kids self esteem. Why not say they are smart, and wonderful? Now i don't think you should make them think they are so much better then everyone else. But encourage the child to believe in oneself. Let him know that you can do anything you want in life you just have to put your mind to it. I don't believe children are harmed if they don't feel good about everything they do. Children will make mistakes for instance being mean to another kid, and getting caught doing so, he should feel bad. Not that he got caught but because he should have known it was wrong. But if they come in 2nd in like a cross country race for instance, out of like 300 people, they should feel good. Not get toor up about not getting first. Kind of a look at the positive philosophy. Also they should not get show boats and flaunt their talents or rewards around like they are so much better then everyone else. So i guess what I'm trying to say is don't get down on your self if you did your best but didn't get like the best test grade in the class or come in first in a race. And if you do happen to do they be respectful of others.
I know that when my parents told me that I did good, or told me not to worry about it, that I'm smart and will get it. It encouraged me, it put me into a better mood usually. Even if I didn't show it at first I would think to myself they are right usually and get over whatever problem I had and just feel better. I guess It kind of shows a child compassion and how to show it themselves, if done the right way, and consistent on how it is done. You can't be bipolar about it, one day freaking out about how the child is doing bad and then one day be an angel parent and encourage them.
I believe you should praise specific qualities and actions that the child does. By telling your child they are wonderful they will not fully understand what is specifically good about themselves or their behavior. I also believe children are not harmed if they are not given praise about everything they do. For a child to become the best they can be a parent must not praise their child for good behavior every time. Children will only pursue this good behavior to gain something in return and not because it is the right thing to do. I believe it is harmful to give your child praise for everything they do. You must not praise your child for average behavior. They will not fully reach their full potential.
I also believe that children need to be taught by their parents that they will not always be the best at everything they do. The way we can teach our children about this is by not always praising them. A child who is praised for everything they do will hit a culture shock in the real world. Children who are praised for average behavior will never achieve greatness or go above expectations and they will always believe they must be rewarded.
I do believe that children should be praised and encouraged because it will build their self-esteem and they will want to continue trying hard and succeeding. Children can be harmed if they don't feel good about what they do but they don't have to feel good about everything. Some things they will fail at and that's ok. Parents are there to pick them up and help them find what they're best at, and praising them when they do well. - Chelsea Hagan-
Allyson, I complete agree with you that children should be praised for something specific. Sometimes parents can over praise their children and they praise them for every little thing they do. This does not build self-esteem. It might actually make children think that their parents are not sincere. Praise should be very sincere and be used at appropriate times. If over praised, children will not feel the need to achieve even higher than what they already have. -Chelsea Hagan-
When I struggled in school or was stressed out about about test, the small words such as "your smart, you got this" encouraged me in a way that i know that my parents believe in me, so that alone helped build my self-esteem. Now being told you are wonderful could somewhat be help to build your self worth. All kids are different in the since that they make take being told everyday he wonderful they are and that makes them work harder if its in school or at work, so it can help build a child self esteem either way.
I feel there should be a balance, a child should be complemented and praised for good work and how they behave. Positive reinforcement builds self-esteem and every child needs that. Communicating with the child and letting them know when to praise and when they may need to be redirected. I don't feel to much praise can be harmful to the self- esteem later in life. A parent should understand how to praise and help the child feel positive and encourage great work and high achievements will always pay off.
From my past experience , if I were feeling bad or that I wasn't able to accomplish a goal, my parents would praise and give me little note cards. It always cheered me up and I would feel more positive again and try harder and achieve that goal. I am a positive, persistent person, with a big heart and I never give up. So , I feel the praise and compliments would always be a positive option.
If the child has not done a good job then praise should not be given. The child will respond better and learn how to achieve goals if the parent comforts child and encourages them to try again.
As a child my mom provided me with encouragement and praise whenever I failed, but always encouraged me to do better. She would help me come up with ways that would have been better and encouraged me to learn from my mistakes. A child should never be made to believe that they will get rewarded even if they fail...that will give them a false sense of the world and lead to disappointment in the future.
17 comments:
Should parents promote children’s self-esteem by telling them they’re “smart” or “wonderful?” Are children harmed if they do not feel good about everything they do? Why or why not?
According to Berk, children do not gain self-esteem from compliments such as “Your terrific,” which has no basis in real accomplishment (pg. 333). Furthermore, Berk maintains the most effective way to foster positive self-esteem is to encourage children to strive for worthwhile goals – contributing to further effort and gain in performance (pg. 333). Once again, authoritative parenting is linked to favorable self-esteem. Authoritative parenting encourages children to be independent, verbal give and take is allowed, and this parenting style is associated with children’s competence (becoming good at things) – a building block in developing positive self-esteem. I do not believe parents should promote a child’s self-esteem through individual compliments such as “You’re terrific.” Self-esteem should be fostered through praise and encouragement of the individual’s efforts such as “You do a terrific job of cleaning up your toys,” “Really nice job,” and “Way to go.” Parents must find a balance between encouraging words and support that factor in individual efforts verses individual worth. Too much unconditional praise or frequent praise that is not connected to real achievements can create self-doubt. Additionally acting like everything your child does is special is not going to help them in life – nor will it boost their self-esteem. This is a set up for failure when they encounter real life which includes successes and failures. Furthermore, children are not harmed if they do not feel good about everything they do, provided they are given realistic expectations and guidance of life’s inevitable successes and failures. Being positive and supportive with successes as well as failures will allow children to know that failure is okay and just a part of life.
~ Amy Hinkley
Self-esteem is one’s perception of self. It is my belief that I am the only person capable of building my self-esteem; however, family relationships during childhood are believed to play a crucial role in the development of self-esteem. Self-esteem is built through individual triumphs, successes, struggles, and setbacks. When parents say “You are the best,” and the outcome is not the best – disappointment, hurt, and a loss of self-competence can be felt. On the other hand, if parents say “You were really focused and worked hard to do your best on that project,” supported feelings with positive energy enables personal success which builds self-esteem. Moreover, focusing only on the successes is not realistic; because, as children develop, they will experience more failures and challenges than successes as they begin to gain competence (becoming good at things). Showing disappointment and frustration may cause reluctance in children to try again in the future. Being positive and supportive with successes as well as failures will allow children to know that failure is okay and just a part of life.
~ Amy Hinkley
In my own personal opinion a child hearing how "wonderful" they are, are more likely to have a high self- esteem, children love to know that they are worth something. Yes being told you are smart can also help you have higher self- esteem. I feel as if it depends on the child, some are dependent and some are independent that being said those who in a way rely on others to tell them when they are doing a great job may be harmed if they are not doing something right or feeling great about something they did. Those who are independent may on the other hand may not care if they aren't told every day they are doing something well. So with that being said it depends on the individual on if they will be harmed or not. Some may be harmed while others will not.
I believe that it is highly important to let a child know that they're doing a good job or that they're smart and learning everything that they should be. It allows the child to feel good about themselves. It helps the child to be confident in the things that they do. If the child doesn't feel good about what they do then yes they could be harmed. It can cause them to doubt themselves and have low self esteem.
I believe positive reinforcement is the key to higher self-esteem. The younger the child, the more important it is to tell them how great they are doing and how proud of them you are for pitting forth effort and trying.
I believe that giving your own child self-esteem does nothing but good for them. Being a positive parent is really great for the relationship. I mean why would you want to put your own child down? Children take everything to heart, and what you want them to take is the positive stuff and not the negative. But when they start getting older, is when its time to start helping and correcting them. Like teaching your kid to throw a baseball. When your child is a year old, he/she just drops the ball and you applaud. By the time they reach 6-8, you become more of a coach then a parent. By this stage, children are more adaptive and see themselves as a adult already. Some people believe your just setting them up for failure, but honestly its just a good way to achieve goals in life.
~Chance Hamilton
I think parents should definitely promote their kids self esteem. Why not say they are smart, and wonderful? Now i don't think you should make them think they are so much better then everyone else. But encourage the child to believe in oneself. Let him know that you can do anything you want in life you just have to put your mind to it. I don't believe children are harmed if they don't feel good about everything they do. Children will make mistakes for instance being mean to another kid, and getting caught doing so, he should feel bad. Not that he got caught but because he should have known it was wrong. But if they come in 2nd in like a cross country race for instance, out of like 300 people, they should feel good. Not get toor up about not getting first. Kind of a look at the positive philosophy. Also they should not get show boats and flaunt their talents or rewards around like they are so much better then everyone else. So i guess what I'm trying to say is don't get down on your self if you did your best but didn't get like the best test grade in the class or come in first in a race. And if you do happen to do they be respectful of others.
I know that when my parents told me that I did good, or told me not to worry about it, that I'm smart and will get it. It encouraged me, it put me into a better mood usually. Even if I didn't show it at first I would think to myself they are right usually and get over whatever problem I had and just feel better. I guess It kind of shows a child compassion and how to show it themselves, if done the right way, and consistent on how it is done. You can't be bipolar about it, one day freaking out about how the child is doing bad and then one day be an angel parent and encourage them.
I believe you should praise specific qualities and actions that the child does. By telling your child they are wonderful they will not fully understand what is specifically good about themselves or their behavior. I also believe children are not harmed if they are not given praise about everything they do. For a child to become the best they can be a parent must not praise their child for good behavior every time. Children will only pursue this good behavior to gain something in return and not because it is the right thing to do. I believe it is harmful to give your child praise for everything they do. You must not praise your child for average behavior. They will not fully reach their full potential.
I also believe that children need to be taught by their parents that they will not always be the best at everything they do. The way we can teach our children about this is by not always praising them. A child who is praised for everything they do will hit a culture shock in the real world. Children who are praised for average behavior will never achieve greatness or go above expectations and they will always believe they must be rewarded.
I do believe that children should be praised and encouraged because it will build their self-esteem and they will want to continue trying hard and succeeding. Children can be harmed if they don't feel good about what they do but they don't have to feel good about everything. Some things they will fail at and that's ok. Parents are there to pick them up and help them find what they're best at, and praising them when they do well.
- Chelsea Hagan-
Allyson, I complete agree with you that children should be praised for something specific. Sometimes parents can over praise their children and they praise them for every little thing they do. This does not build self-esteem. It might actually make children think that their parents are not sincere. Praise should be very sincere and be used at appropriate times. If over praised, children will not feel the need to achieve even higher than what they already have.
-Chelsea Hagan-
When I struggled in school or was stressed out about about test, the small words such as "your smart, you got this" encouraged me in a way that i know that my parents believe in me, so that alone helped build my self-esteem. Now being told you are wonderful could somewhat be help to build your self worth. All kids are different in the since that they make take being told everyday he wonderful they are and that makes them work harder if its in school or at work, so it can help build a child self esteem either way.
I feel there should be a balance, a child should be complemented and praised for good work and how they behave. Positive reinforcement builds self-esteem and every child needs that. Communicating with the child and letting them know when to praise and when they may need to be redirected. I don't feel to much praise can be harmful to the self- esteem later in life. A parent should understand how to praise and help the child feel positive and encourage great work and high achievements will always pay off.
From my past experience , if I were feeling bad or that I wasn't
able to accomplish a goal, my parents would praise and give me little note cards. It always cheered me up and I would feel more positive again and try harder and achieve that goal. I am a positive, persistent person, with a big heart and I never give up. So , I feel the praise and compliments would always be a positive option.
If the child has not done a good job then praise should not be given. The child will respond better and learn how to achieve goals if the parent comforts child and encourages them to try again.
As a child my mom provided me with encouragement and praise whenever I failed, but always encouraged me to do better. She would help me come up with ways that would have been better and encouraged me to learn from my mistakes. A child should never be made to believe that they will get rewarded even if they fail...that will give them a false sense of the world and lead to disappointment in the future.
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